Friday, April 07, 2006

My kind of race

So I've been thinking of putting my name in the race for leader of the Liberal Party of Canada.

I figure my odds of winning increase daily as every Liberal from St. John's to Vancouver Island hold press conferences to announce they are not going to compete. By the time of the convention I would guess it would be a down to the wire race between me and whatever MP the caucus was able get drunk the weekend before and trick into signing the papers. Though I'd really like to get in before some other Joe Schmo has the same idea as I really wouldn't want to split the 'completely disinterested' vote during the convention.

Being a life long conservative, I'm pretty sure I can skirt around of any taint from past Liberal scandals, but just to be clear, that doesn't mean I'm above "finding" large sums of money in plain brown envelopes while eating out. When in Rome and all that. Though interested parties may have to drop by Local Heroes (usually the Bank Street location) or on a good night Moxy's (off Ogilvie) instead of some upscale Italian restaurant if they're looking for me. I would also like to state that any "donations" made in this way would not necessarily buy you any favours from my Liberal party, but it sure couldn't hurt.

The first thing to do after winning, of course, is pick the MP that annoys me the most and kick them out of their seat so that I could steal their riding in a bye-election. Then the biggest decision is what to do once in power? Just sit back and enjoy the fat MP salary (currently ranked in the top 2% in the country) or work aggressively to try and get my agenda passed, which mostly centers around getting traffic cops sniper training (have I ever mentioned how much I hate people who don't signal while changing lanes).

I'll probably take the weekend to think it over.


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