Monday, December 19, 2005

I Survived

Another trip down to the big T.O. come and gone and everyone is still alive. If you knew my brother-in-law you would know that that is an accomplishment in and of itself. My brother, the only family member I know knows this site address, already knows how I feel about our sister's husband, but for those just joining the party I'll fill you in; of all the people I may occasionally be forced to hang around but would rather not, he is #1 on my list. I can barely stand saying anything more then 'hi' to him so I usually just try and keep my mouth shut when he's around.

To put it mildly, my BiL is a control freak. No matter where he is or what he's doing he has to be the one in charge. As he technically works for his cousin (who even I'll admit is an even bigger control freak then him) he doesn't get to exercise much of that control when he's working so he saves it all up for his free time.

He's the kind of guy, that with 6 minutes left in the Ottawa/Toronto game, with me, my nephew and my niece all sitting in front of the TV watching it, will walk into the room, grab the remote from my hand (don't even try keeping it when he wants it or he'll whine like a wounded 2 year old) and put in the DVD he rented ("Christmas with the Kranks") without saying a word (it was 4-2 Ottawa at the time with a final score of 8-2, just FYI and because I like typing 8-2 Ottawa over Toronto). But that's just par for the course with him and the TV. I've had him start channel surfing after entering the room during the last 10 minutes of a movie I was watching, and not even looking for anything in particular.

He routinely yells at everyone in the car, my sister included, if they dare have a conversation while he's trying to talk, even if they started first. His constant excuse is that they are distracting him and will cause him to have an accident. No, Wayne, your terrible driving along with your constant need to fidget with the radio and fan controls are going to cause you to have an accident, not the two kids having a conversation in the back seat.

Even when we all drove back to Lab City a few years ago, me, my brother and his family and my sister and her family, plus one of my sister-in-laws friends with her two daughters, he bitched and complained the entire way, constantly telling the girls in the back seat to quiet down and/or pay attention to whatever sight he was pointing out (not that they or I cared about a what particular type of tree we were passing). This was all despite the fact that I was driving and they weren't bothering me in the least. In fact, for a bunch of 8 year old girls they couldn't have behaved any better. I still haven't quite forgiven everyone for sticking me with him for the full 12+ hour drive the Baie-Comeau. Someone still owes me big time for that one.

Of course, at least once every trip down I'll make some little stand on some issue or another. This week was when he was accusing my 14 year old nephew of nearly killing two pedestrians because he tossed a bit of snow at me while we were walking on the sidewalk in Port Perry ; apparently famous for being the location where much of "Welcome to Mooseport" was shot. Needless to say, we were actually standing about 4 feet apart, both of us were against the snowbank, he tossed the snow at my legs, and the couple he almost killed, were about 20 feet behind him and laughing and smiling at what they were seeing, just generally enjoying the classic winter scene. To hear Wayne retell the harrowing experience over dinner (although everyone present was also present earlier in the day), you'd have thought Zach was running down these two helpless seniors while wielding a pick axe made of ice. I calmly, and yes I can actually remain calm while talking to Wayne, mentioned the fact that Zach is not the first teenager to have thrown snow at someone, even in Port Perry, and no one, except him, not even the two who narrowly escaped with their lives, seemed to mind in the slightest. To that I got the normal "stay out of it" line that has become a mainstay of my trips to Toronto. Just to top off the night he got into an argument with his mother which just left him in an even happier mood than before.

I can tell you, if it wasn't for him I'd probably be running down to visit everyone every couple of weeks. Even with the snow we had last week it only takes 3 and a half hours to make it from my door to theirs. I just can't handle Wayne any more that once or twice a year, and even then in very small doses.

And Wayne, if you do manage to find this site and read this, I'm assuming none of this comes as a surprise to you and if it does, you just haven't been paying too much attention. Then again, that wouldn't be all that surprising for him.

Now, off to pack for my flight back to Lab City tomorrow. At least there I can rest and relax and since my parents have a TV in almost every room with a chair, I can finish whatever movie I start, unless of course Mom needs something from the grocery store right away.


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